Dealing with Anxity & Depression

Dealing with Anxity & Depression by Sandi Stevenson

Having Anxity & Depression does take over your life, it could be a little things to trigger it but if you dont deal with it sraight away, it could build up and more harder to battle through.  This could be life threatening for others to handle by taken there own life’s.

MY name is Sandi Stevenson age 41 and I’ve been dealing with Anxity & Depression since I was 38 but my triggers started when I was a little girl.   13 years from 2002 when things started to change as the way I felt
feeling sad
mood swings
Just standing thinking in to space about mixed thought should I or not
keeping saying it’s just a bad day and tomorrow will be better.
but it weren’t because the more I kept telling myself the more worse it got and just hitting rock bottom.

My symptoms of Anxity and Depression were:
Lack of interest
feeling lost
Couldn’t sleep
Decreased energy
Sad thoughts
Frustrating Anger
Felt like my blood was boiling
Low appetite and weight loss
Difficulty concentrating
Thoughts about taking my own life

I was trying to keep myself busy so I can block it all out by
doing things I liked
working at my job with loads of overtime
Drinking to much alcohol

kidding myself by doing this woulld change things for the better.   It just got a hole load worse when my frustration anger set in and I done some bad stupid things that I totally  regret  because it got my in big trouble when I was working in Asda.

I knew I had to ask for sometime off because it all got to much but the management refused and said it you phone in sick, you will be in more trouble.   The way I was feeling I could not care then I  walked out of Asda.

The Job centre signed me off employment for 2 months for stress but I was still in denial and kept avoiding what was happening to me.

Finding things to do was hard but I managed to get a  part time job in Primark.  It was a year later in the job and my eye sight deteriorated Badly, Primark were so kind and let me have time off as I had a cataract surgery beginning of 2014.

I was off for a year from Primark to recover and to a_just to things.   Going back to work, gladgely working myself back in but I only  could do 5 weeks because I was struggle to see things.   I made a decision to leave Primark due to Medical reasons.

From sudden events, this really hit me bad and I had enough as I could not handle any more things happening.

Really wanted it all to stop, i couldn’t see past my worries, I hit rock bottom.   Thinking ending my life was the easy thing to do so I would put my face in to the pillow but I had mixed thoughts. I don’t knew   exactly what it was to bring myself back up from the pillow.

MY noise felt like the room was really smokey and it was hard to breath.  After my action I decided to get help and to see if there any way out.

I got 8 session of counselling at Changes Community Health Project in Musselburgh so I can talk about how I was feeling.  It was so hard and upsetting to a complete stranger but some how I did,   i told the counsellor I experiencing problems since I was a young child, the counsellor said start from there , is a good place to start .

Having the 8 session of counselling really helped me to see where it all went wrong from since I was a young girl.   My family wrapping me in cotton wool, my real mum left us and also my family controlling my like, not getting to knew me who I was and what I would like/handle.

MY dad done his best he can but weren’t good enough because I felt like an object sign because I was visually impaired.
(More detail in another article called Dealing with being Visually Impairment which will be up very soon)

Anyways I decided to do Changes Community Health Projec Mental Health Groups, where you can get help to dealing with things and how to manage day to day things with the learning toils you have.

Blimey it’s great to make the first move getting help but it’s still a long way to go.   It like digging yourself out a big hole to survival, like you have still no energy and week.   Someone told me to do little things first, she said “pick up a few magazines and put them on the table and that’s you done something, keep doing little things to boast yourself and things will improve”

Being at Changes Community Health Projec in Musselburgh really helped so much to recover who I was and how I was going to take the first step in to the future.

Really did a lot of thinking what next for me and the changes I was going to do.  I decided to move on away from my family and take control of my life but my family said when I was 38 no matter what I do, we will always have more control over your life.

I walked away and made the changes I thought were right by moving out of East Lothing to Edinburgh also changing my name.  .felt like an improvement to start of with also I’ve been doing:
Volunteer work for charity organisations to show my support
Got a My Guide Volunteer who helps me to get out once a week so I can improve my confidence
Attending RNIB at Hillside for there groups and clubs, which I’ve made some great friends.

There is still time from improvements because really do want to carry on now but I knew there will be some difficults which hopefully I can deal with my toils.

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